For those of you who are younger, you may not believe what I'm about to tell you.
But when Facebook was first designed, it was only for people with a college email address. We had a wall, ONE profile picture, and the capability to send a message. Not chat, but a message.
I know, blows your mind right?
So throughout the evolution of Facebook, there have been a ton of changes and a ton of invasions of privacy. You can see where people are, you know what they're doing at all times, and things about some people's lives that you wish you didn't.
In the beginning, I accepted friend requests from anyone; if they looked like we'd be friends and they were going to the same college as me, I had no problem with it. As time went on, I only accepted people I knew previously from high school, college, etc.
So eventually, I had a ton of random people on my friend list, some that I hadn't seen in years, some I've never even met, and others who I see every so often. If they were just there and not bothering me, then what the heck, leave them right?
But over the years, I've had to "Spring Clean" Facebook friends. People have talked behind my back, publicly bashed me, made fun of me, and dissected my life. Like I've said before, I still don't understand this, but some people were just brought up with less class and differently than I was.
But if we aren't friends in real life, you're mean to me, and we don't talk, why should you get to see a part of my life that you don't care about? What is so wrong with me clicking the "unfriend" button if you really don't CARE about me and what I'm doing?
I've received public ridicule for this, too. "Looks like Sam has gone on an unfriending spree again" or even received messages "Thanks for unfriending me." And my question for all of you is this:
Have you ever unfriended people on Facebook? Why?
Have you received negative feedback from unfriending people on Facebook?
Do you think it's a big deal?
Why has it become such a personal issue when one gets unfriended?
Why do people care if they are "friends" on a social media channel when they haven't talked in years and even go so far as to make fun of the person who did the unfriending?
I'm all about connecting with others and making friends with people who share the same interests and commonalities as me. But when I see you being mean to others, being mean to me me, or being just down right negative, why do I need to share my life with you and others like you?
I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way; I don't think I'm better or entitled to only be friends with certain people. However, I want to be surrounded by positive people who support me and enjoy seeing my life, not making fun of it.
"Conquering life one step and one museum at a time."



Absolutely. Most of my friends do this once or twice a year to 'clean house'. I usually give a warning about a week out to let people know -- "if you want to stay connected, let me know... otherwise if we haven't talked recently, you're probably getting the boot" sorta deal. It's always good to give a heads up. I have only gotten flack for it once and that was when I unfriended some of my husband's cousins, but not all of them. Sigh. Yea, be careful when unfriending family ;)
ReplyDeleteI've found that being on a military post, people are quick to friend you even if they've never met you. For those folks, I accept the friend request but keep them as "acquaintances". My privacy settings are such that my posts and pictures are shared with "Friends except acquaintances". Allows me to keep from sharing too much of my life with people I barely know while not hurting their feelings...
I spring clean my friends list regularly and agree with you wholeheartedly girl! Not only do I not even talk to some people, but why do they need to see what's going on with me if they're not even friends?!
ReplyDeleteI'm in the same boat as you and definitely understand where you're coming from!
I like to purge my Facebook Friends lists every month. I get tired of seeing all of the people that I went to High school at 28 yrs old still partying and acting like idiots. Plus now that I worry about child molesters looking at my kids pictures :(
ReplyDeleteI have to review my privacy settings. Like you, I also have one of the "original" Facebook accounts that was opened with my .edu email address. Doesn't that make us feel old, even though a majority of FB users are over 40? I digress. But, yes, I have also cleaned house...but I've never gotten flack over it. Why? I believe it was because they were never looking for me to begin with. Haha!
ReplyDeleteI have unfriended people on Facebook before and I've gotten messaged and talked about because of it too. I ended up just deactivating my personal account. If they really cared, they could follow my blog, email me, or even call me. I feel like Facebook is so unpersonal and full of fake people now.
ReplyDelete♥ Duckie.
I completely agree!!! I just deleted my account this week and already feel so much less stressed from all of the fake drama that occurs!!
DeleteI used to not really care who I added (ie old high school classmates who I haven't spoken to since graduation 10 years ago) but now, I am much more picky about who I've added. But, sometimes I unfriendly, sometimes I just don't bother. Facebook is completely different now than when it started and I just don't find myself using it as much anymore.
ReplyDeleteNot only did I slowly start to unfriend people, but I eventually deleted my entire Facebook. I got Facebook when there were only a few thousand members and you had to be in college to have it. It slowly grew, and more and more people were able to have accounts. People I never even heard of or met were friending me, and then bashing me. It was the most bizarre thing! I kept Facebook to connect with friends that had moved all over the country for school, but as the months dragged on after graduating, I slowly stopped hearing from them. I decided rather than continue to see my name bashed, I deleted my profile and haven't looked back. I hear people talk about who posted what and what others are saying, and I'm so glad not to be part of the Facebook world anymore.
ReplyDeleteWhat is fun is unfriending someone and then the next day they send you a friend request. I am always like what the what?? Did you think I did that on accident??
ReplyDeleteTo me, that's just creeper status!! How do you even realize it that fast that you've been deleted?!
DeleteOMG the next day? I've had people figure it out over a YEAR later & try to contact me... next day is DEFINITELY stalker status for sure!
DeleteI usually don't notice when someone unfriends me. Is there a setting I don't know about, that notifies you or something??? Maybe I'm missing something, but I usually don't notice. I have had actual friends unfriend me, and thought, huh. Well, I've deleted people accidentally before, so whatevs. NOT a big deal.
DeleteI spring clean as well. Or deny friend requests! I did a whole rant on facebook a while ago. I deleted a girl and it took her a month to realize it-then she texted me to ask me why and I replied with, "I just deleted the people I don't talk to anymore" and she said, "oh" and has since tried to readd me 11x.
ReplyDeleteAnother girl, I finally caved and accepted again because she kept trying to readd me.
It's just ridiculous. IT'S FACEBOOK!! I don't care what you ate for dinner or what your just earned on Farmville! Ugh.
Here's my rant if you wanna read. Keep in mind it was a while ago: http://www.mythreebittles.com/2011/09/little-bit-of-vent.html
Oh but seriously, I'm sorry for the mess you've gone through. People are ridiculous. They really are :(
ReplyDeleteI've been going through my lists and unfriending anyone I don't talk to in real life... I'm down to 300 "friends" and I'm not done yet! Downsizing that list is such a relief! :)
ReplyDeleteOMG this has kind of happened to me! Some people I hardly ever spoke to (that I UNfriended over a year ago) ALL 3 recently messaged me asking WHY I UNfriended them. Like really? You need a reason? Can't you just say - well OK we hardly ever talked and I haven't seen her posts in over a year I guess she just deleted me a WHILE ago and leave it at that? I hate those "why did you UNfriend me" messages. They go to my "others" folder but still, it's kind of embarassing (for them) and I sometimes feel bad. I had 2 of the ladies also send me emails to my personal email address (responding to an email from like 2 or 3 years ago - meaning they had to HUNT through their emails to find my address) asking "what happened"? I've become really big on "if a person has too much negativity, I don't need them in my life" so I've been sticking to my guns and not responding to messages/emails from them and not accepting friend requests either (I don't reject them tho - I just let them sit there). These were people I actually HAD spoken to / knew in real life though - I had never added people I have never met until recently when I started befriending other military wives. If any of them bashed me or were too negative I don't think I'd feel the least bit bad about UNfriending them!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why some people would take it so personally! I've unfriended people for the same reasons, and I've been unfriended that way too, and I don't think it's a big deal if its someone I don't really know.
ReplyDeleteYes I have un-friended ppl! There's just some ppl I don't care to see updates from every day honestly. The bad language and drama gets on my nerves so I just cut it out all together :) that's the fun thing about it being MY Facebook, I make the rules. Hahaha
ReplyDeleteThis has happened to me too! I had this one person try to add me as a friend that I'd never met before and I denied it so she tried again... This happened multiple times & I never caved & added her I guess she finally got that I wasn't going to add her. She had added me on twitter, my blog & Instagram... So I guess that meant to her that we were friends even though I never added her on any of those places. It's so strange that people are so desperate to be friends on social media even with people they don't know and have never even talked to. And I do spring cleaning on Facebook all the time too. Sometimes it's just necessary to do so.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with unfriending people! Seriously, going on "defriending sprees" is my favorite pastime! It's nothing personal, but when I have to scroll through tons and tons of people I don't know (I used to accept anyone who went to the same college as me) to get to the people who's updates I actually care about, it gets super annoying. There is no reason to keep giving negative people access to your life! They're just jealous anyways ;)
ReplyDeleteI too have seen Facebook grow and change a lot over the years, and I have had to unfriend a lot of people. Some people just have no concept of what should posted for the public to see. I am glad you can now organize groups of friends, and allow only certain groups to see all of your info.
ReplyDeleteI've unfriended a ton of people on FB. If they don't like it oh well. :)
ReplyDeleteI had to unfriend one of my best friends and bridesmaids. She refused to stop being FB friends with my ex and Ryan and I had made the decision we weren't going to be FB friends with anyone who was still friends with our ex's. We did this to avoid any ex's "spying" on us through a friend (we were having issues with it already). Why open the door for evil?
ReplyDeleteThis girl should have said "I'll unfriend him no problem", but she didn't. I wasn't mad, but I just explained to her I couldn't be friends on FB anymore. We haven't really talked since. It makes me so sad and upset because she was one of my best friends, but I can't believe she can't just call me or text me like normal people in real life. I told her in the beginning I don't think our friendship has to end because we aren't FB friends...apparently some people think FB determines your relationship completely...so sad ):
That is really sad, Kaitlyn. I have friends who don't even USE Facebook, and refuse to. And you know what? That's fine! I completely agree with setting clear boundaries when it comes to exes, especially if they are malicious or trying to "spy", as you said. I have blocked people because of this. You made the right choice, respectfully explained that it had nothing to do with your friendship with her, etc. With the way Facebook changes privacy settings with virtually no notice, I agree with your approach. You were respectful and honest -- it sounds like maybe she was not.
DeleteI recently unfriended a crap load of people on FB because they either caused drama, were negative, or I just didn't know them. I've never received any flack for it mainly because most of the people I unfriended had their accounts set to private, lol. So, it's whatever.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if they wanna talk about you, they will. There's nothing that can be done about it. Some people just have nothing better to do than tear down others to make themselves feel better. If people talk about you on FB, then there's a good chance that they are also talking about you IRL. And, do you really want to deal with that kind of person? From experience, it gets exhausting when you're always worrying about how or what the person will think after you post something.
Anyway, just ignore it and focus on what makes you happy!
I do this every so often. If it's someone I don't talk to/see/etc then what's the point of having them on Facebook. If we don't interact at all, then there is no point. I've never received any negative feedback from doing this. But, my question is...if these are people being mean to you, or that you don't talk to, don't know IRL, etc...then why are they so worried about not being friends on Facebook? I think there are a lot of people on social media who are more worried about their friend count than what social media is really about...connecting.
ReplyDeleteI think especially when you have kids and you share those pictures on facebook. That's when it became real to me. i would think " do I want this person to see all the special moments in my daughters life" If I don't know them and wouldn't feel comfortable with them spending time with my daughter then they have to go. It really is your right to protect your privacy and that of those you love.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow, I have a major soapbox on this one. Facebook, in my opinion, is still for friendships. It may be used for marketing or popularity or morbid curiosity for some people, but it's still for friendship. I dated a guy for about a week last summer, and of course we were facebook "friends" for that week. Then, when he dumped me (via text . . . CLASSY), we agreed that I would come over to his house to discuss. I mean, a girl's gotta have closure, amIright? Anyway, after seeing that I un-friended him (cause, we weren't FRIENDS to begin with!), he texted and said if he wasn't welcome on my Facebook page, I wasn't welcome in his home.
ReplyDeleteUm. That is not at all the same.
I think somewhere, the definition of friendship was blurred by Facebook's definition of friends. I will still live true to MY definition of friendship. I will teach future children (if I have any) the same thing. Disrespect has no place in my life. Differing opinions? Yes. Negativity and disrespect? No. So, that's how I do it. I will un-friend people. I have no shame. I will also blog people. No shame in that, either. And, I also have my privacy settings set up so I can put people as acquaintances and they can only see certain parts of my Facebook life -- this is for high school people who I know, but don't REALLY know.
It's a balance, but everyone has to do what is right for them. I think the judging needs to END, and people need to stop taking online stuff so seriously.
Oh, and PS, yeah! I am one of those Facebook "originals", and had to sign up with my college email address. :)
ReplyDeleteHahahaha!!!! OMG! Here is my post from my personal FB account on the 3rd: Went through and cleaned up the friends list.... If you're still here it is because you're cool, I love you or you're family and I have to keep you ;) (j/k). ♥
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with unfriending people who you do not or rarely ever talked to when your were around in person. Or those that are clogging up your feed with negativity and especially those that are being "mean" to you!?!?! WTF is that about? Why even have them there in the first place? :) Good job hun! Water under the bridge I say!
I go through periodically and unfriend people, usually those that I never talked to that much to begin with or those that annoy me (as in constantly posting political statements - believe what you want, but constantly clogging my news feed is overkill; posting rude and uncooth statues/photos are the main culprits). I do have some people (i.e. family) that I've just taken out of my news feed because I know that if I were to unfriend them, the drama wouldn't be worth it. While I've had people send me another friend request, I've never had anyone ask me why I unfriended them. As for being offended by being unfriended, it's happened to me and I figure that if I'm unfriended for some reason, then I didn't want to be Facebook friends with them to begin with. I think the only time I might be offended if I was unfriended is if it was by someone I'm close with in real life and they didn't explain why.
ReplyDeleteI actually have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I think that it's great for allowing you to keep up with friends/family that you may not otherwise due to distance etc. However, I also think that it's totally ruined the way we communicate with each other in that everything has become so impersonal - we just like each others' status instead of a phone call, email or heaven forbid snail mail! I personally will not wish someone happy birthday unless I actually knew it was their birthday before I saw it on Facebook. And then, usually I have already sent them a card or given them a phone call.
And I'm stepping off my soapbox now :-)
Wow, I love all the comments on this one. I've been struggling with this too recently. I went throug a few major life changes (both positive and negative) and really needed to re-evalute the 'friends' i had in my life. I started 2013 by deleting all those random college friends that were 'in my network' back in the day. (Yes, I had a .edu facebook account circa 2005)...
ReplyDeleteAfter I got rid of a bunch of people I realized there was still so much fakeness and cattiness in my friends list (although a decent amount were family - so I couldn't just unfriend them).
My hubby and I decided to delete our facebook accounts for lent (so this is day 5) and I feel SO MUCH BETTER. I don't waste as much time aimlessly scrolling through the app on my phone - or getting stressed out from all the fake crap people post.
Yes, I miss seeing pics of people's vacations, or even just dropping in to say hello - but I don't miss seeing all the other junk that is just so fake.
Anyways... GREAT topic!!
Erin
I've been fighting the urge to spring clean lately, I VERY rarely ever have more than 100 people on my friends list at a time, and they're all people that I talk to on a regular basis or I'm friends with in real life. I've gotten e-mailed before, or constantly re-added until I say I don't know them outside of Facebook.
ReplyDeleteI just unfriended every person I work with, even though most of them were people I really liked. I did it because I posted something negative about something non-work related, and someone started a rumor at work about it being something work related. I got p'ed off, and unfriended they were. Never to return.
ReplyDeleteI think FB is on the way out for me, especially after I was burned like that.
So unfriend away!!!! :-)
I've recently deactivated my account. I still have Instagram and twitter and life had been so freeing for me. The people that are my REAL friends contact me just the same and the others have one less to spy on. It's become "FAKEbook" for me anyway! People love to post about how wonderful their life is when I clearly know differently. I'm just done with it altogether!! :)
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of friends on FB, my husband and I went to junior school and high school together. We had a large graduating class and still live in the area. The amount of time it would take for me to go through and unfriend people isn't worth it to me.
ReplyDeleteI put myself out there by blogging, where I share far more than I do on facebook, so for me them seeing whatever I put up there is no big deal.
I personally dislike the "I just cleaned out my friends list post." Good for you, your point in telling the rest of us is...? I know they're different than the "I'm cleaning house soon" posts, but not too much. I don't accept friend requests from people I don't want to be friends with, so if they start to annoy me, I just hide them. It's not true to who I am as a person to just defriend someone without telling them why, and usually I hide them for things that aren't worth hurting their feelings over.
Oh my goodness, I was just talking about this with someone. I so agree that if you are going to walk past me in the grocery store and not speak, why would you care if you are on my "facebook". Its pretty pointless.
ReplyDeleteI love one of the previous posters comment about it being "fakebook" because its so true.
You stick to your guns. :D <3
Amen! Well said :)
ReplyDeleteyeah i've unfriended people. mostly people i don't talk to, that drive me crazy, that are super negative. i don't see it as a big deal.
ReplyDelete